Self-Perception Gap
It happened by chance.
I wanted to shoot a short film and needed actors. Two friends of mine, both musicians, seemed like the perfect candidates to star in the film. I wrote the six-page script with them in mind. Neither had much experience in front of camera, but it didn’t matter. They were my stars.
Both read the script, enjoyed it, and were good to go. Trouble was, these musicians are fickle folks: hard to pin down.
“We’ve got to rehearse for a show. After the show, let’s shoot.”
“Sure, sure,” I told them.
Weeks went by and then I got a message.
“Would you shoot our show? We’d like to get video footage of the whole night.”
I said sure. I’d never shot live shows before, but I thought why not: a little favor capital would bolster the short film project.
It went well. They liked the footage. Next thing I know, I’m asked to shoot another show … and another. And soon I found myself in the green room of Alphabet, a lovely venue in central Brighton, chatting away to the various band members performing that night as they drank their backstage beers, lounged in wicker chairs, and rolled plenty of cigarettes.
I’m holding my Ronin SC gimbal, my beefy Canon 600D w/ standard issue kit lens attached, and a Rode lav mic pinned to my chest.
“And who are you?” someone from a band I don’t know asks me.
“Oh,” I tell them, “I’m shooting the show.”
“So you work for the venue?”
That line rung through my head. Work for the venue? It kicked me out of myself. It created a Self-Perception Gap. I knew very well that I didn’t work for the venue. I just wanted to make a short film and have a lot of trouble saying no. But their perception of me differed so far from my own it reminded me that others’ perception is different to how I perceive myself. Perhaps that borders on navie, I don’t know. Yet there I was: both flattered and inspired, feeling cool to look the part.
These gaps are wonderfully enlightening. As an anxiously-minded person it’s reassuring to know that my perception of myself differs to others. Especially when the dominating narrative I tell myself is that I do not belong.
These experiences can be generated by introducing yourself to new contexts and new people. I’d encourage you to seek them out. You might find them as startling as I did.
I might have to tweak my six-pager and smuggle in a Self-Perception Gap scene, assuming, of course, I can pin down these pesky musicians.